** My Freddie Mercury **
This blog is dedicated to Freddie,
the greatest rock legend and the best musician of all time.
* * *
** FOR ME, IT’S THE BIGGER THE BETTER… IN EVERYTHING **
FREDDIE BY DAVID WIGG
In the TV interview I said to Freddie, the time must be coming
when you will really want to spend your life with someone?
he told me, serious for once.
‘The more I open up, the more I get hurt.
Basically I’m just riddled with scars and I just don’t want any more.
I’m petrified of being alone. I like to shut myself away,
but I wouldn’t want to be on a desert island.
*It’s not easy living with me.
The more mishaps I have, the better my songs are going to be.
If I found someone to have a long relationship with,
bang goes all my research to help me write wonderful songs.
I just don’t know what is in store for me*.
* I’ve tried relationships on either side – male and female. But all of them have gone wrong. Obviously I’m not a good catalyst. I don’t think anyone can put up with me. I eat people and destroy them.*
But doesn’t everybody? We all want to have our cake and eat it.
I demand a lot, but I do give a lot in return. And I want a bit of drama and volatility.
- it’s difficult for people to get through to me and I attract all the wrong kinds.
When people have got through to me, they’ve always betrayed my trust.
That’s when I go the other way, and turn into an ogre.
I want a bit of the shake-downs, the drama and the volatile effect*.
They had tried living together, but it didn’t work. She married someone else, but she and Freddie remained close friends and Freddie visited her in hospital
when she gave birth to the first of her two sons.
playing hide and seek at home with the boy.
He taught him to say his first words – ‘guitar’ and ‘tractor’
to educate both her sons Richard and Jamie privately.
*There was definitely a part of Freddie that would have liked a family life,
a happy home and children*, she told me.
*But I don’t know how much of a great heterosexual he would have made.
But I had never felt that way before about anyone.
He had a quality as a person, which I think is rare in life these days.
One thing which was always there was our love and mutual trust.
But then if he had been totally straight,
I think I would eventually have lost him
to another woman, particularly when he became famous*.
whom he had met in a bar.
to fly 400 friends to Munich for a black-and-white ball;
flown another 1,000 to Ibiza for his 39th birthday,
and life at his London home had been one long round of parties.
But I sensed he’d had enough – as did others like Elton John’s manager,
John Reid, who says in the documentary that he felt Freddie was winding down.
*The Munich party was the last hurrah*.
except for his closest friends.
The news shocked the other members of Queen.
when Freddie told them that he had Aids they refused to believe it.
There’s going to be some way out of this, he’s going to be cured.
And right up to the end, although we knew, we didn’t accept it.
We sort of refused to know, if you like.*
I asked Freddie how Aids had affected him.
He was typically stoic and realistic.
*I’ve almost become a nun*, he joked.
*I thought sex was very important to me and I lived for it.
Now, I’ve gone completely the other way, and I don’t do it any more.
It’s frightened me to death. I just like titillation now!
I’m an old bird now, dear!*
Freddie had known since 1984 that he was HIV-positive,
but he had told no-one else.
*No, Hell’s much better’, he laughs.
*Think of all those interesting people down there*.
Then, *When I’m dead, who cares?*